Love Shouldn't Hurt
~First: FOR THE VICTIMS~
If you were strong enough to endure it,
your surely strong enough to get out
and get through it!
Get help now and get out and Stay out!
Take care of yourself!
Put yourself FIRST!
Live without pretending.
Love without depending.
Listen without defending.
Speak without offending.
(whose insight is inspiring!)
We all have it … each of us holds OUR OWN POWER… we just don’t always feel as though we do. So often we give our power away to others ... others who we should not be giving it to. Have you ever had one of those days when you just feel useless... like you are NEVER seen nor heard??? ... Like you just aren’t important and that you just don’t matter? This happens when you let others take your power away from you... DO NOT allow others to make you feel like you are less than who you are (NO MATTER WHO THEY ARE!)
~ WHAT CAN I DO? ~
(FOR MYSELF AND/OR FOR OTHERS?)
Please open your eyes, read and learn. Look around you. You see it on the news, in the newspapers, in all walks of life! Domestic Violence is NOT limited to one race, religion or element of society. It is everywhere...All over our World!
Learn the non-physical signs of power and control in intimate relationships in order to help break the cycle of abuse. And remember, the victim is just as sick as the abuser at this stage as they have been abused (generally speaking) for a long period of time, if not for their entire life! So treat them with love and respect, just as you would anyone else, (I HOPE).
Understand that this is NOT just a woman's issue! Our children and elderly are affected as well AND some men!!
Domestic Violence is not JUST physical attacks NOR is it limited to men beating women! Included are emotional and verbal abuse as well as any/all abuse towards CHILDREN, MEN AND THE ELDERLY! This has become my life's project... to get the word out~ AND OPEN EVERYONE'S EYES!
An Attitude of Gratitude brings Altitude
Keep a positive attitude and you will always fly high!
REMEMBER:KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!
Love Is A Behavior, Not A Feeling! “A guy can’t say I love you, I love you, I love you,” says Dr. Jill Murray, “and then do any of these things (manipulation & abuse)..."
IF “you're afraid to make him mad
IF you're afraid of his temper
IF you're afraid to have a different opinion...
that's an abusive relationship,” says Dr Jill Murray. “It's not just a creepy relationship.” If you spend a lot of time crying in (or about) your relationship, or apologizing for things you've never done just to placate your partner… that's an abusive relationship!!
To The Victims: I am a victim! Listen to what I'm saying! You've been "programmed" to believe all of these horrible things about yourself. Your thoughts and emotions are automatic, unconscious negative responses and thought processes now. This, too, shall pass! I know it doesn't seem that way right now, but one day at a time Sweet Jesus! It will take time, effort and energy for you to reprogram yourself. Surround yourself with positive thoughts and comments as well as positive people. Make/Create positive posters, pictures and paste them around your room/house and say them to yourself over and over and over each and every day so that you can retrain your brain (and your thoughts and emotions) to rebuild your self-worth and Believe in yourself! ☮ & ღ
Remember, WE ALL HAVE OUR OWN POWER! It's just when you love someone TOO much (yes you CAN love someone TOO much) you give that other person YOUR power!
~EARLY WARNING SIGNS~ You don't need to be black and blue to be abused. Emotional abuse is stealthy. Often times the abuser will never directly abuse you, they will abuse your children, animals or friends. When they do turn their bullying on you they will pick on something small, something petty. This will all be hidden and explained away, there is always an explaination for their endless pettiness. And you will always be "overreacting" or "too sensitive". Discounting your feelings and minimizing their behavior keeps you off balance. When you are finally able to leave your bully (verbal/emotional abuser), please be prepared. They will not let you go without a fight for your sanity or even your life. During the realtionship, the abuser will try to hook you by making you dependent on him. Verbal abuse doesn't have to be "bad". Many abusers extol their mates often disguising anger as concern and praise as love. Remember you only ever need to know one fact, if you are SCARED you are being ABUSED. ***Many of the early warning signs listed on most websites are actually late stage warning signs. If you have an inexplicable feeling of danger, run fast, Fear does not need evidence. The List farther down goes over some of the early warning signs of abuse. However, most of the early warning signs are very difficult to detect. Abusers and bullies have developed their tactics over years and have honed their craft.
*** IMPORTANT: Lastly, before I begin the lists below, I want to make it PLAIN to those WANTING TO HELP the Victims! ~IF THE VICTIM IS NOT WILLING TO LEAVE, THEY HAVE NOT REACHED THE POINT TO LET GO! There is NOTHING you can do to MAKE them change their minds. It is THEIR choice, right or wrong. I wish it were otherwise... but there you have it. Painful as it is... it is no more than the truth! All you CAN do is love them unconditionally and always let them know you are there for them. I don't mean empty your bank account or anything of that nature, nor let the victim USE you. All I'm saying isLOVE THEM UNCONDITIONALLY and DO NOT JUDGE them! (Now if children are involved and their safety is in question, then notify your local police and let them know of the situation.)
Also this site offers information ONLY! IT DOES NOT IN ANY WAY REPLACE THERAPY! Victims will need therapy of some sort BY A QUALIFIED THERAPIST!
INCLUDED IN THIS PAGE ARE:
~TEN SIGNS OF VERBAL ABUSE IN A RELATIONSHIP
~EARLY WARNING SIGNS OF A VERBAL/EMOTIONAL ABUSER
(ALSO KNOWN AS A STEALTH BULLY)
~TEN WAYS TO AVOID EMOTIONAL ABUSE
~HOW TO OVERCOME THE DESTRUCTIVE EFFECTS OF VERBAL ABUSE.
~ HEALTHY VS UNHEALTHY (OR TOXIC) LOVE
~EMOTIONAL NEGLECT & PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE:::::
CHILDREN & THE ELDERLY
~CHARACTERISTICS OF MANIPULATORS AND PEOPLE WITH PERSONALITY DISORDERS - THINGS TO AVOID
*Please note, there may be some repetition amongst the different paragraphs, but I cannot stress enough how very important this information IS! Repetition usually means it's EXTREMELY important!
~Here are ten signs of VERBAL abuse in a relationship.~ The LIST ~
Many people are involved in abusive relationships that don’t leave any physical scars or bruises. The abuse they suffer is just as real and just as destructive to their well-being. Verbal abuse can damage a person emotionally when they must live with it in their own home on a continuous basis. Because it is ‘just words’ it is often not recognized as being abuse, by either the victim or those around them. Men are victims of this type of abuse, just as women, children AND elders are.
- Name calling – Derogatory name calling, such as stupid, dummy, idiot or other such demeaning terms should not be considered a normal part of a relationship. Even when a person is angry, this type of language is not necessary and shows an extreme lack of respect for the other person and should be considered abusive.
- Cursing – Many people curse when they get upset. That is not uncommon. However, when the cursing is directed at another person and is combined with some of the other signs listed here, it can also be a sign of verbal abuse.
- Shouting – Again, raising a persons voice in anger is not uncommon. But if one person in a relationship is continually raising their voice in anger towards the other one, it may be a sign that they use their voice to intimidate that other party.
- Put downs – Continual criticism, and a refusal to acknowledge positive achievements, can be another aspect of verbal abuse. Everyone is in need of affirmation of their value and worth to those around them, to some degree.
- Threats – Being verbally threatened can be as frightening as having those threats carried out. Verbal abusers often will threaten their victims with physical harm, embarrassment, restrictions on their finances, harm to others and retaliation in a variety of other forms.
- Blame – Abusers will often blame their victims for their actions. ‘If you wouldn’t be so stupid.’ ‘If you wouldn’t have done that.’ Every person is responsible for their own choices and actions. In an abusive situation, the abuser will always find an excuse to continue their behavior, no matter how much the victim tries to perfect their own.
- Lack of courtesy – Ignoring common courtesies within a relationship can also be a sign of abuse. An abuser may not feel it is necessary to make requests, but instead gives orders to the other person. The manners they display with others may be lacking when it comes to that indivdual.
- Low self-esteem – There are signs that can be seen in the victim, as well. A low self-esteem is a natural result of abuse, in any form. The victim often does not see themselves as deserving better treatment.
- Timidity – Victims of verbal abuse will often appear timid and hesitant to speak up or ask questions. The slightest raising of your voice may cause them to cower or bring tears to their eyes. They are used to being intimidated and controlled by another person’s voice.
- Fear of failure – Since victims of abuse are often told it is their failures that bring on the abuse, they have a great fear of failure. New circumstances and learning opportunities are often seen simply as risks of failure, which could lead to the abuse they try so desperately to avoid.
~Here are some of the early warning signs of a verbal / emotional abuser/stealth bully~ <avoid these people in close relationships or they will eventually control everything you do!>
- They usually make the rules; they control everything – what you do, where you go, who you can associate with and who spends the money.
- They push boundaries, argue endlessly and blame or insult you for not listening to them.
- They do not take no for an answer. They’re always right and you’re always wrong; their sense of entitlement means that you’re merely too sensitive. If they tell you that you overreact or you blow things out of proportion, you are being abused.
- They control you with their disapproval, name-calling, putdowns, blame and guilt, it will start off subtle.
- You’re afraid you’ll trigger a rage. Mood swings that go from angry, rage, affection, to apologetic.
- You’re told you would be alone without them or that they are the only person in the world that cares enough to do things for you. This is the beginning stage of isolation.
- Social isolation. They will slowly cut you off from friends and family. They will always have something bad to say about your friends and they will not allow you to do nice things for them.
- Pettiness - This is a form of distinguished brow beating.
- Superiority - He will say how much better he is than everyone and how much better you are than other women.
- They rush you into living together, setting up a bank account in their name, getting married and having children.
- Treating you like a sexual object, constantly touching you during inappropriate times even while sleeping.
- Degrading views on women. They make negative comments about women and blame previous girlfriends.
- Possessive, they will constantly call you, email you and even check your phone and email.
- Anger. They can switch from calmness to rage in seconds. (Dr Jekyll to Mr Hyde)
- Relentless questioning. Interrogative.
- You are always on their dime and their schedule. They are always acting in "your best interest". They claim any harm they do is to "protect you".
- They may never hit you directly, they may throw objects at you, hit walls, stomp around intimidatingly, etc
- Gas lighting - An abuser will actually claim that they never cursed at you or insulted you immediately after it occurs. Some abusers may physically harm you and then deny it ever happened. It's an extreme form of psychological terror.
- They often fail to follow through on promises. They always have a "surprise" in store.
- They are demanding, you have to accommodate their every whim. They take up all of your time and energy.
- They remind you of their sacrifices and how inconvenient you are.
- He will often need "help" when doing an undesirable task. Generally, you are left to do these tasks by yourself.
- Their actions and words don't add up. They will push you off a cliff and then run to catch you.
- Crazy making - They keep you on edge to the point where you feel like you are going crazy or you start exhibiting depression, unusal behavior, etc. This is all the proof your monster needs to blame you for his abuse.
- Some abuser are unable to laugh at themselves or see humor in frustrating circumstances. Rigid.
- They will refuse to go anywhere without you. If they want to see their favorite show, meet up with friends or go out of town, or on an expensive trip they will not go unless you agree to go.
- They make you feel like you are not being a good friend even if they know you cannot afford the activity.
- They call your animals stupid.
- They will tell you that you are using them.
- You feel like you can't trust them, you are scared for no reason.
- Your children or animals begin to behave differently.
- They buy things they can't afford. They always have the latest gadget. They may claim to know people in high places.
- They may get into physical fights.
- They get frustrated very easily. Often times they enjoy chaotic circumstances. They may even seem to enjoy it when people cry or are hurt.
TEN WAYS TO AVOID EMOTIONAL ABUSE
<taken from HEALTHMAD>
Most victims of abuse are robbed of their self esteem and stable mental health. Feelings of rejection and emotional pain can be processed before the point of a breakdown.The consequences of domestic violence, such as physical injuries, depression and even death could be superficial when compared to the fall out cost of long term mental health treatment and management of its victims. The wounds of EMOTIONAL ABUSE run deeper than could ever be imagined. Unfortunately, domestic violence has caught the attention of both government and society as merely an escalating social problem. Emotional abuse is not always an occurrence between lovers, couples, parents and children, but also in office settings between highly ranked employees and their subordinates, among peer groups, or between a bully and the so called timid or fearful child. As a matter of fact, emotional abuse is possible wherever there is a positional authority acquired either by merit or social status. Until this problem is viewed as what it truly is; a crime, people have a right to protect themselves from abusers and all forms of abuse. Here are the ten ways to do so.
BE TRUE TO YOURSELF~ Most people are not acquianted with who they really are. Honestly, if you do not know who you are, you will almost always fall prey to abuse. An identity problem or the lack of a positive one for that matter, makes you vunerable to manipulation and control . Some people refer to themselves as “easy as sunday morning”, meaning of course that they are flexible and not fussy. The idea that being flexible in relationships makes you more acceptable and loved is an errorneous one. To be open-minded enough to accept other people’s points of view is good, but clearly different from having an opinion of your own.
SPEND TIME ALONE IN ORDER TO KNOW AND LOVE YOURSELF ~ Some people would rather spend all their time in the company of people than be alone. It is amazing how much people dread loneliness, yet one can be alone and not feel lonely. It is all about capturing alone moments as opportunities to get in touch with your inner self. Someone rightly said “your inner self is a treasure-house of all you will ever need in accomplishing your divine destiny”. Time spent alone is usually an incubation period for developing character definitions which become the solid foundation for your association with people, with whom you choose to form meaningful intimate relationships. You are not entitled to expect love from others when you are bankrupt about love and knowledge of self. You cannot give to other that which you do not have.
BUILD YOUR CHARACTER AND VALUES ON A POSITIVE BELIEF SYSTEM ~ Your belief systems (your self assessment, goals and dreams) form building blocks for your personal values and character. If you are passionate about certain things, you are likely to associate with people of like minds and stay connected to a community of people with like passions. A positive mental attitude not only defines who you are but preceeds you as your reputation, just as smoke announces a fire. A positive outlook to life speaks of an inner strength and boldness which may act as a sheild against potential emotional abuse.
NEVER BE AFRAID TO TAKE A STAND ~ People who are prone to subtlety, with undefinable character traits are usually hiding under a heavy cloak of insecurity and low self esteem. When your stand on life’s issues is clear to all your friends and family, you do not only stand out, you earn the respect of others as one who is not a “push over”. As a respectable member of society, you are less likely to be intimidated into surrendering your will unto others against your best judgement.
DO NOT APOLOGIZE FOR THINGS THAT GO WRONG ~ That doesn't mean that you shouldn't admit to your mistakes. However, if you were NOT at fault, do not automatically take the blame yourself. And no matter how wise and careful you are as a person, it is only HUMAN to make mistakes. WE ARE ALL HUMAN! Learn to love yourself past your mistakes because there may be many more mistakes down the road for you to deal with. Avoid people who examine all the details of your mistakes, not with an intent to provide constructive criticism, but to accuse you of being clumsy. Anyone who expects perfection from others has a critical spirit and could be manipulative. Deal with such people cautiously.
LEARN TO ACCEPT CHANGE ~ Change is the essence of life. The circumstances of your life will always change. Any solidly made plans may change. Remember, if there was no change, there would be no butterflies. Those who resist change, or procrastinate the possibilities of change until they slip off the inevitable wheel of change, usually miss out on the beauty of what lies beyond their fears. You must realize that your relationships with people, just like other things in life, are for times and seasons and therefore subject to change. Understanding the fact that some people belong to certain times and seasons in your lives will do you much good. Recognize the times when your relationships are ripe for change and allow the smooth transition from one season into another. When you remain in a relationship that belongs in your past, you make yourself a candidate for abuse and manipulation.
WATCH OUT FOR MANIPULATORS ~ By their fruits you shall know them. The world is full of selfish people who care little about violating your space just to get ahead. They would do anything to help you change your mind, or decide on issues that will promote their own self interest rather than yours. They call it the game of life, but people who fall victim to such tactics call it emotional abuse Emotional abusers are more or less like clever salespersons who could sell a raincoat to a fish if it were possible. They are a persistent pain in the neck who would stop at nothing to sell you an idea. The others who are more subtle, are even more dangerous. These are the ones who would make outrageous demands of you in several ways, each time echoing their deepest concern and well meaning intentions for you to make the best choice possible. (See the next topic below of personality disorders and manipulator characteristics - THINGS to avoid!)
GUARD YOUR HEART AND MIND ~ Your mind is the seat of your emotions. Whoever plays the so- called mind game with you is gunning for your sanity. The best way to guard your heart is obeying your gut feelings. This is that first instance “gut feeling”, just before you begin to rationalize things to excuse an action that already seems questionable. Whoever tries to win you over into trying out new things that you have already rejected, is simply trying to control you. It is always enough to watch other people enjoy doing something they love doing without being compelled to join in the fun. Whenever you have to do something out of compulsion to please someone else, even when it is good for your health, you are under manipulation. Being adventureous with your personal choices in life should be your call and yours alone, not by the persistent demand from someone else.That way you can always assume responsibility for the wrong choices you make.
TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR EMOTIONS ~ Expressing your emotions tactfully, whether it be anger, frustration, love or hate, is an amiable trait that speaks of a healthy character balance. If you seem incapable of self control, you become a target for potential abusers. If you have occasional outburst of anger and rage and later blame it on stress, be aware that life can be stressful at times. Our bodies have been divinely equipped to deal with stress. Spend the time it takes to identify your triggers that bring on stress and those things you can do to relax and let go of stress. It is so much better to identify your stress triggers and eliminate them one at a time than excuse your lack of self control.
EMBRACE LIFE'S INTERRUPTIONS ~ It is human nature to question the sudden challenges that life throws at you, however, if you learn to either embrace them or at least stand up and face the challenge instead of letting them knock you down,
you will find life gets MUCH easier! Heartbreaks like the sudden death of a loved one, investment losses, accidents and the like, are part of LIFE. Nothing we do can change that, however, HOW we FACE these challenges means the difference between coping and growing or just lying down to die. These challenges come your way as constant reminders that you are not in total control of the circumstances that affect you. In fact, CONTROL is an illusion. In the end, we are not in control at all. Something else we must learn to accept. Back to the topic, when you embrace LIFE’s interruptions, are but challenges that either make or break us. If you can FACE them instead of avoiding or ignoring them, it will make you better equipped to turn your disappointments into stepping stones.
~HOW TO OVERCOME THE DESTRUCTIVE EFFECTS OF VERBAL ABUSE.~
Verbal abuse can be devastating, and its effects are pervasive. With time and care, you can overcome the destructive effects of verbal abuse, and regain confidence and self-esteem Things You'll Need: time & a good support structure
1) Get away from your abuser. Leave the relationship, end the friendship, or, if the abuse happens in the workplace, talk to someone in HR. Ending the abuse is a powerful step: think of this as a positive, proactive move. You're not running away from anything, you're standing up for yourself. Be proud that you've accomplished this!
2) Give yourself permission to explore your feelings. Feelings are never bad. Its okay to feel enraged, hurt, frightened, alone, vengeful: let yourself feel, and accept that your feelings are justified and reasonable.
3) Talk about it. If you can afford therapy, great: explore the many therapy options available until you find someone you're comfortable talking to. If you're light in the wallet, turn to friends and family for support. Make sure that whomever you talk to doesn't insult you or belittle you in any way: find a friend who is sympathetic, validates you, and points out your positive attributes.
4) Find things to like about yourself. Make a list of things you like or are proud of. Its okay if the list starts short: carry it with you and add to it. Nothing is too minor: include any and everything that pleases you. Any time you feel low, re-read your list, over and over. Remember the things you were proud of doing, including leaving the abusive relationship. Feel the strength and power of that action: you are mighty! Start new hobbies and projects that make you feel good, strong, capable, smart, and creative.
5) Act out if you need to, but check with your support network to make sure its safe. Scream really loud, have a good cry, imagine all the things you'd like to say to your abuser and yell them at his/her photograph. Then rip up the photograph. Then flush it down the toilet.
6) Repeat until you begin to feel better. Then repeat again. Verbal abuse is a mental injury, and like any injury it takes time to heal. Give yourself all the time in the world. Its okay if you sometimes fall back into negative thinking, just go back through all the steps that helped in the past: talk to your friends, re-connect with your hobbies, cry, anything that helps. There is no set time for healing. You're doing a good job!
~ HEALTHY VS UNHEALTHY (OR TOXIC) LOVE ~
Love is not supposed to be painful. There is pain involved in any relationship but if it is painful most of the time then something is not working, SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT! Loving relationships are based upon appreciation & affection, NOT fear and manipulation.
Here is a short list of the characteristics of LOVE vs. toxic love (compiled with the help of the work of Melody Beattie, Terence Gorski. and Robert Burney.)
Healthy -------------------------------------- Unhealthy (TOXIC) Love:
Development of self first priority.
toxic love: Obsession with YOU and the relationship.
Love: Room to grow, expand; desire for other to grow.
toxic love: Security, comfort in sameness; intensity of need seen as proof of love - may really be fear, insecurity, loneliness.
Love: Separate interests; other friends; maintain other meaningful relationships.
Toxic love: Total involvement; limited social life; neglect old friends, interests.
Love: Encouragement of each other's expanding; secure in own worth.
Toxic love: Preoccupation with other's behavior; fear of other changing.
Love: Appropriate Trust (trusting partner to behave according to fundamental nature.)
Toxic love: Jealousy; possessiveness; fear of competition; protects "supply."
Love: Compromise, negotiation or taking turns at leading. Problem solving together.
Toxic love: Power plays for control; blaming; passive or aggressive manipulation.
Love: Embracing of each other's individuality.
Toxic love: Trying to change other to own image.
Love: Relationship deals with all aspects of reality.
Toxic love: Relationship is based on delusion and avoidance of the unpleasant.
Love: Self-care by both partners; emotional state not dependent on other's mood.
Toxic love: Expectation that ones partner will fix and rescue the other.
Love: Loving detachment (healthy concern about partner, while letting go.)
Toxic love: Fusion (being obsessed with each other's problems and feelings.)
Love: Sex is free choice growing out of caring & friendship.
Toxic love: Pressure around sex due to fear, insecurity & need for immediate gratification.
Love: Ability to enjoy solitude by being alone.
Toxic love: Unable to endure separation; clinging.
Love: Cycle of comfort and contentment.
Toxic love: Cycle of pain and despair.
Love: Conversations based upon intent to Understand, Help, or convey affection.
~EMOTIONAL NEGLECT & PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE:~
(Elderly can and ARE also abused in this manner!)
*Emotional Neglect = The consistent failure of a parent to provide the appropriate support, attention, and affection necessary for a child to develop social competence, intellectually and emotionally. *Psychological Abuse A chronic pattern of verbal assault or coercive behaviors such as belittling, humiliating, and ridiculing, which are destructive to a child's self esteem.
~Common Types of Psychological Abuse~
Ridiculed: Making fun of the child's looks, behaviors, interests, abilities or accomplishmentsTerrorized: Yelling at the child repeatedly, threatening to hurt or leave the child, having the child be a witness to violence between the parents or other family members.
Rejection:The parent may refuse to return the child's affection, clearly favor another child in the family, and/or make mean remarks implying they wish the child were not around.
Humiliation: Shaming the child to make him or her feel stupid or embarrassed constantly.
Scapegoating: The repeated blaming of the child for all things that go wrong in the family.
**Other ways a parent or caretaker can be emotionally abusive include:
*Not giving the child enough attention
*Providing only conditional love (love that is based only on the child achieving or meeting the parents' expectations)
*Parent being cold and remote; not forming a loving, close relationship with the child
*Isolating the child from friends and/or interesting activities
Indicators of Psychological Maltreatment
*Eating disturbances *Sleep disturbances
*Wetting or soiling by school age child
*Speech disorders, stuttering *frequent Nightmares
*Failure to thrive/Developmental lags
*Habit disorders (thumb sucking, kicking, head banging)
*Poor peer relationships
*Behavioral extremes - overly compliant, demanding, withdrawn or aggressive
Children who are abused can suffer from a host of behavioral and emotional difficulties. At the same time, there are a number of children from abusive backgrounds who show incredible resilience and display few if any symptoms. Research is not certain about why some children suffer more than others.The following is a list of the most commonly observed difficulties reported by abused children and adults who suffered childhood abuse:
*Cycle of abuse continues
Child Abuse Intervention (a report of abuse and neglect to authorities) may be done by telephone, by letter, by e-mail or in person. A report can be made anonymously, but divulging who you are and the relationship you have with the child or youth will aid in the investigation.When a report of abuse and neglect is made, child abuse intervention dictates that the person or organization making the report must act in a way that:
*protects the child or youth
*protects other children/youth who may be involved
*respects the rights of alleged abuser; keeps information confidential cooperates with Child Protection Agencies and possibly police.
*****Child abuse intervention is everyone's responsibility, ethically, morally, and legally. Prevention efforts build on identifying family strengths by means of parent education, home visitation and support groups, helping parents develop parenting skills and understanding non-violent methods of discipline and other techniques of meeting their children's emotional, physical and developmental needs.
CHARACTERISTICS OF MANIPULATORS & PEOPLE WITH PERSONALITY DISORDERS
~THINGS TO AVOID~
Crazy Making - The Crazy Making Experience
If someone makes you feel any three or four of these feelings below run while you have the chance!
- Feeling temporarily thrown off balance and momentarily unable to right oneself.
- Feeling lost, not knowing where to turn, searching aimlessly.
- Being caught off guard.
- Feeling disconnected, confused, disoriented.
- Feeling off balance as if the rug has been pulled from underneath one’s feet, or the wind has been knock out of you.
- Receiving double messages but somehow unable or fearful to ask for clarification or asking for clarification but not getting it.
- Feeling generally bugged by the simple presence of a person.
- To discover that one was mistaken in one’s evaluation of where one stood or what it was all about.
- Feeling totally unprepared for a broken promise or unfulfilled expectation.
- Where one assumed good will, ill will seems to prevail.
- Experiencing the shattering of an important dream.
- Feeling pushed around, not in control of one’s direction.
- Unable to get off redundantly spinning circles of thought.
- What seems clear becomes muddled.
- A strong wish to get away, yet feeling unable to move, as if frozen.
- An uneasy, weird feeling of emptiness.
- One is befuddled, not able to attack the problem.
- Feeling vaguely suspicious that something is wrong.
- Feeling that one’s subjective world has become chaotic.
DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH DR JEKYLL AND MR HYDE? by Susan Quinn (I KNOW I FELT THIS WAY WITH GRAYLAND KEITH!)
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a serious and often life-threatening disorder that is characterized by severe emotional pain and difficulties managing emotions. The problems associated with BPD include impulsivity (including suicidality and self-harm), severe negative emotion such as anger and/or shame, chaotic relationships, an extreme fear of abandonment, and accompanying difficulties maintaining a stable and accepting sense of self. Thus, BPD is characterized by pervasive instability of mood, interpersonal relationships, self-image, and actions, often negatively affecting loved ones, family and work life, long-term planning, and the individual's sense of self-identity.
~NARCISSITIC PERSONALITY DISORDER~
Narcissistic personality disorder is a condition characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, need for admiration, extreme self-involvement, and lack of empathy for others. Individuals with this disorder are usually arrogantly self-assured and confident. They expect to be noticed as superior. Many highly successful individuals might be considered narcissistic. However, this disorder is only diagnosed when these behaviors become persistent and very disabling or distressing. People who are narcissistic are frequently described as cocky, self-centered, manipulative, and demanding. Narcissists may concentrate on unlikely personal outcomes (e.g., fame) and may be convinced that they deserve special treatment.
While narcissists tend to have high self-esteem, Narcissism is NOT the same thing as self-esteem; people who have high self-esteem are often humble, whereas narcissists rarely are. It was once thought that narcissists have high self-esteem on the surface, but deep down they are insecure. However, the latest evidence indicates that narcissists are actually secure or grandiose at both levels. Onlookers may infer that insecurity is there because narcissists tend to be defensive when their self-esteem is threatened (e.g., being ridiculed); narcissists can be aggressive. The sometimes dangerous lifestyle may more generally reflect sensation-seeking or impulsivity (e.g., risky sex, bold financial decisions).